This has been weighing on my heart and I can’t hold the weight of this burden anymore. I have heard this phrase “just wait until it’s your own” or “it will be different when it’s your child” countless times over the past two years as Jake and I have been foster parents. Since announcing our pregnancy, I have heard this phrase on a daily basis and it has to stop.
First, I have some questions,
- Are you an adoptive parent?
- Are you a foster parent?
- Have you struggled with infertility?
- Are you adopted?
- Do you think people said this phrase to Joseph about Jesus?
I know this phrase is probably meant with the best intentions, but guys, let’s break this down.
IF I am an adoptive parent and you say this to me, what you are insinuating is that my adopted child is less than my biological child.
IF I am a foster parent and you say this to me, what you are insinuating is that the children in my home aren’t loved as deeply as my biological children.
IF I am a person that has struggled with infertility and you say this to me, what you are insinuating is that I will always be missing something or lacking what other parents have because my body wasn’t able to make a child.
IF I am an adopted child and you say this to my adopted parent, what you are insinuating is that I am worth less to my adoptive parents, I am not as lovable, my adoptive parents don’t love me as much as they love their other children, I am not as valued, I am not as cherished, I wasn’t wanted, I am…I am…I am...
And here is the other thing, it WILL be different for Adley.
- She will have two loving parents who don’t suffer from addictions, poverty or previous abuse.
- She will have two highly educated parents with the potential for life-long careers.
- She will have extended family members that would do anything for her if something were to happen to Jake and me.
- She will have a church family that will help us guide her to a life of loving Jesus.
- She will have access to higher education if that is a calling on her life.
- She will have enough clothing.
- She will have enough food.
- She will have access to some of the best medical care the world has to offer.
- She will have the advantage of her skin color.
- She will have EVERY advantage.
I’m not worried about Adley, but I do worry about the children that will come to our home.
I am worried that they will feel “less than, unwanted, unlovable, unvalued, uncherished”. I am worried that society will continue to tell them who they are and it will all be lies. I am worried that we are not embracing the “orphan and the widow” (James 1:27)or the “least of these” (Matthew 25:40).
I am worried that we have this all wrong. That we are prioritizing the children that already have every advantage while devaluing the children that need us the most.
I truly believe that the phrases “just wait until it’s your own” or “it will be different when it’s your own” are meant with the best intentions, but guys, we have to do better.
Maybe instead of saying phrases that point to the biological status of the children in people’s homes, we could start saying phrases that point to what Jesus has already done and is continuing to do.
❤️