It’s been awhile. I could blame it on the pregnancy, Jake starting a new job, or remodeling the house, etc. But that would be a lie. God and I have been climbing a mountain together for the past few months. And I am just now catching my breath.
Foster care is the strangest thing I have ever done. Most people think that foster care is working with traumatized kids and their behaviors (physical outbursts, property destruction, developmental delays as a result of abuse or neglect, etc) and while that is a part of foster care, I feel like that has been the smallest mountain I have had to climb during this process.
The biggest mountain has been my sin.
The biggest mountain consisted of my fears, my insecurities, my pride, my privilege and my lack of grace towards the parents. It was a mountain I didn’t even know I had (at first) but once I was aware of it, it was a mountain I didn’t want to climb. I was happy to camp out at the bottom of my mountain. I was okay with staying in the foothills of my mountain where the work was easy(ish) and where my sin looked pretty to myself and the outside world. After all, I was taking care of “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40-45) and I was welcoming Jesus into my home as well (Matthew 18:5).
But then Jesus.
Then Jesus kept whispering “love her and let me take care of the rest”. This was the same phrase I had heard for the past year. Ever since baby Z came into our life. But now he was gone. Back with his mom. And I wasn’t happy at the bottom of my mountain anymore. So Jesus sent Jennie Allen and the IF: 2018 gathering to tell me it was time to leave my camp at the bottom of the mountain. But don’t believe for a second that I happily packed up my stuff and started climbing. I whined. I cried. I talked about how hard it would be. I thought about how scary it all was. I worried about what if I said the wrong thing to her and she stopped letting us see Z.
ALL THE FEARS. ALL THE EXCUSES. Yet none of them were too big for Jesus. In fact, he made it quite simple for me this morning. He opened her heart to say “yes”.
She said yes to starting a bible study with me. She said yes to coming into our home every week. She said yes to allowing us into another level of friendship. She said yes to another level of trust. Another level of commitment. Another level of Jesus being unshakable, unchanging and undeniably perfect in his timing.
She said “yes”. And Jesus said, “love her and let me take care of the rest”.
And so here I am. Climbing up this mountain. Leaving my pride, my fears, my control and my comfort at the bottom. Here I am asking for every prayer. Here I am catching my breath and looking around to see the beautiful view Jesus has orchestrated around me. This view of life-changing and soul-saving redemption that I never imagined.
