So I said this post would happen this past weekend. It is Tuesday (when I wrote this). So I am feeling pretty good about this timeline. Parenthood y’all. This post is going to look different in that I am going to share the actual “work” I did to process all of the information God has been sending my way recently. It has been a lot. Lots of tears. Lots of thoughts. Lots of anger.
It started when Z’s bio mom was released from prison. Reunification has started and it is HARD. Harder than I thought. But…it has also been good. Soul changing good.
During all of this, I have been reading a book called Through The Eyes of a Lion by Levi Lusko. Gosh, there are no words for how much truth this book spoke into my life. God used so many of Levi’s words to speak to me and as a result…you now have this rambling post in front of you. I just wanted to share the process a little bit, because I know that it is very difficult to understand this journey we are walking. But I want so desperately for people to understand so they can see God moving inside of all the chaos.
So, here it goes. I have added the specific quotes that challenged me the most and then answered them (very bluntly).
“God calls us to places that frighten us so that we will fully trust him.”
Where has God called me?
-To foster care. To care for children that few will take the risk to help. To risk my comfort for those who need some comfort.
Am I trusting God?
– This is a moment by moment effort. There are moments my faith is strong and moments that I falter and begin to doubt God’s plan and God’s ability to make good decisions.
“The only way for you to see God do the kinds of things He desires to do in and through you is to run toward the roar again and again and again.”
What do I want to see God do?
-Bring redemption and healing to all three boys’ parents
-Bless us with a biological child
-Bless us with an adopted child
What is the “roar” in my life?
– The lies Satan is telling me
– God isn’t able to protect the boys
– God’s plan for the boys’ lives aren’t better than my plan
– God will never bless me with a child
“When you run from things that scare you, you move toward danger, not away from it. If you fail to face your fears, they will always be right there behind you.”
What am I running from/ what am I scared of?
– The pain of letting go of the current children in our home
– The pain of not having a child to call “mine”
– The pain of always loving children that I have to say goodbye to
– I’m scared of not trusting God enough to walk this path He has given me with grace, peace and joyful obedience
I’m no preacher. I have no training in the Bible, public speaking or writing. But I do know that I believe in the truth of the Bible. I believe that to fights Satan’s lies I have to fight with God’s truths that are found in the Bible. As a result, I have compiled a list of verses that I am currently speaking into my life, moment by moment, to combat all of the lies that are being hurled my way. (this is NOT an all inclusive list-just some of my favorites)
Verses about Trust:
- Psalm 145:13 ….The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises
and faithful in all he does.
- Psalm 146:6 He is the Maker of heaven and earth,
the sea, and everything in them— he remains faithful forever.
- Psalm 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. - Psalm 37:3 Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. - Psalm 56:4 In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?
Verses about Waiting:
- Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope. - Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord. - Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
Verses about Faith:
- Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
- Mark: 11:22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered.
Verses about Pain/ Suffering:
- Psalm 91:4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. - Psalm 23: 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Verses about Fear:
- Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?
- Psalm 145: 18 The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth. - Psalm 94:11 The Lord knows all human plans;
he knows that they are futile. - Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
