O: “Mommy Jen, Jesus love B?”
Me: “Yes buddy.”
O: “Mommy Jen, Jesus love Daddy Jake?”
Me: “Yes he does.”
O: “Mommy Jen, Jesus love Daddy T?
Me: “Yes buddy, Jesus loves Daddy T very much.”
And then I wept.
I wept because even though I knew this to be true, I did not want to believe it. If I believed it, then that meant that I also needed to love daddy T. And that was, and still is, hard. In fact, the relationship with B and O’s biological parents has been the hardest part of being a foster parent (at least for me).
Before O destroyed my heart, “loving” their biological parents consisted of me finding myself viewing them as the enemy, as a threat, as people that didn’t deserve their children.
But now, loving their parents is like applying aloe vera to a sunburn. Initially, it sends a sharp pain through your body. But eventually, the pain is gone, comfort ensues, and then healing begins. It allows them to feel like people, genuine people. They become more than their sin and past mistakes. Loving their parents allows me to be free from fear because they are no longer the people that might take O and B away- because they were never supposed to be mine.
I love O and B with all of my heart. I have loved every second that they have been with me. But, what I would love the most? If there had never been a need for them to be in my home. I would love for their parents’ demons to be defeated, for them to experience freedom from sin. My heart longs for O and B to see the redeeming power of Jesus in their parents’ lives.
Their parents are not my enemy. Their parents are people. People that are broken and need redemption. People just like me. And so I will continue to fight for them. For their redemption.
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23
Oh sweet girl. If there is any message that has wrecked my heart again and again, it’s this one.
Imagine if we could all see people as Jesus sees them! The struggle would be over. Love would win.