Can you not have biological children?

Can you not have biological children?

Since beginning foster-care, only one person has actually articulated this question, but almost everyone has asked it with their eyes. You can see it on their faces. Why would a young couple willingly do foster-care? Why dont you just have your own kids that you know you get to keep? So lets just talk about it.

We dont know if we can have biological children. Jake and I have been trying to conceive since December of 2016 (yes, just 2 months after B and O came to live with us). I naively thought that I would be that woman that got pregnant the first month of trying. Well, as the months progressed, fear started to set in that something was wrong. So we made a doctors appointment.

As of June 6th, 2017, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Simply put, this means that my ovaries dont always release an egg each month. I also have very irregular menstrual cycles and can go for multiple months without starting a new cycle which makes knowing when I am ovulating very difficult. Our next moves will be to check Jake for any issues as well as check to see if my fallopian tubes are blocked. If they are, we will evaluate if surgery can correct the block or if we would have to look into IVF.

There are a lot of what ifs and unknowns in our life right now. And its okay. Its okay because we didnt start foster-care because of my fertility problems, we started foster-care out of obedience to a good God who called us to take care of the orphans and the widows (James 1:27). Its okay because our God has perfect plans and works everything out for my good (Romans 8:28). His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8). I cannot understand his ways. I am not created to know all the answers. I am not created to know the timeline.

I am created to trust, walk in obedience and love Jesus because of who he is, not what he does or doesnt give me.

The day after the diagnosis was given, I had just dropped all three kids off at daycare and was almost to work when I lost it. You know it, the ugly cry when you cant really breathe or see straight? I was there. I hadnt been alone long enough to really think about it all until that moment. So I ugly cried and prayed. I told Jesus you better be doing something really cool.

His response? Just wait.

And so I will. I will wait because I know that if it is His will for me to have a biological child that it will happen in His time. I will wait because I can already see God moving in this pain and using it to help others. I can see his perfect story unraveling and I am just along for the ride. But its so worth it. All of the pain of the last 8 months of foster-care has taught me that the pain is what brings strength, intimacy with my God and the saving of souls.

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20